I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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