How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
