you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
