Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
