I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
