Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
