Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
