Non-Jews are for practice
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
