guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
