I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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