Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
