just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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