AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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