i think my tv is drunk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
