Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
