she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
