at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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