my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
