addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
