I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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