I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
