I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
