Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
