doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize