Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
