OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
