You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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