Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
