i permit you to call me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
