those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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