I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
