I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
