saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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