I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
