She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize