I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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