I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is Oprah even human
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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