wakey wakey hands off snakey
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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