wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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