literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We are all done wearing pants today
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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