So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
