he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
