So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
