i may or may not be watching the land before time
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
