dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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