i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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