apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think your dad took our porno
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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