I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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