He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this boner is exhausting
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
