there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
