It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
