Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
