I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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