Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
