I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
