It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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