apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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