dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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