I am full of burrito and curiosity
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
