I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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