I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
one might say we're banned from that church
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
