Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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