So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
