You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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