I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
