Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize