His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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