Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
