Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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