its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
