Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize