So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
