Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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