Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
